Mother’s Day

Being a mother is a tough job! Here’s a prayer that one mother prayed:

Lord, help me today when things go wrong. When I get that shopping cart with only three wheels and they’re all going in different directions, help me to know my strength comes from you.

Be with me as I drop off my children at soccer practice, Little League, piano lessons, the library, a birthday party, and Girl Scouts. Help me to remember to be at the right place at the right time to pick up the right kid.

And today, should my washing machine break down, my dishwasher overflow, and my refrigerator decide to start making slushes out of my cartons of milk, help me to be thankful that they did make it a full week beyond their warranty expiration dates.

And Lord, when dinner burns, and the dog tracks in mud on my newly washed floors, grant me patience as I throw them both out.

Comfort me when I realize I missed that important appointment at two o’clock because the door-to-door salesman who came at one wouldn’t let me get a word in edgewise until three-thirty.

And when the bottom falls out of my trash bag, help me to look on the bright side. All those empty cereal boxes lying there, and those opened cans rolling around on the floor are proof that at least my family hasn’t had to go hungry.

And if the mailman’s late, my carpool’s early, and those dinner guests I forgot I had invited arrive right on time, let me rest in your peace.

Finally, Lord, when the kids miss the bus, and I dash to take them to school in my robe and curlers, and run out of gas at the front entrance, let me hide in your love. For Lord, when things go wrong, I need to remember that you have a way of making everything right again. Amen.

I don’t suppose you will recognize the name Anna Jarvis. She was born over a hundred years ago in West Virginia, but she ended up living, for a number of years, in Philadelphia. During that time, she cared for her own mother, who was an invalid.

When Anna’s mother finally passed away in 1905, Anna yearned to find some way to honor the memory of that good woman. She remembered the picnics that her mother had helped to organize back home in Grafton, West Virginia. They were called Mother’s Friendship Day picnics, and mothers gathered at them in an effort to heal the hatred lingering after the Civil War.

Then Anna came up with a brilliant idea: Why not have a national day to honor all mothers? She wrote to the U.S. Patent Office and obtained a copyright for the idea of “Mother’s Day”. Then she tirelessly campaigned for her idea—speaking to governors, state legislators, congressmen, senators, clergymen, even the White House—to get this special day recognized. Finally, in 1914, President Woodrow Wilson signed a proclamation making the second Sunday in May—Mother’s Day—a national observance. But Anna Jarvis didn’t stop there. She went international with her idea.

And when she died in 1948, they put a wreath of 43 carnations on her grave because that was how many countries in the world had adopted Mother’s Day due to her efforts. Anna Jarvis was never a mother herself, but she was the mother of Mother’s Day.

On Mother’s Day, thanks to Anna Jarvis, we stop to pay tribute to our mothers and our wives. We give them flowers, and gifts, and other expressions of love. But I would like to suggest to you this morning that there is one gift that surpasses all. It is found in one verse of Scripture, and it is the best gift that a woman could ever receive.

That gift is a husband who loves her, and the verse that describes him is found in 1 Peter 3:7.

Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.

Now although this is Mother’s Day, I want to talk particularly to the men and the boys who are here today. There are three things in that verse that a husband must do for his wife in order to really love her:

1. connect

2. respect

3. protect

The Bible says be considerate as you live with your wife. The KJV version says “Dwell with your wife according to knowledge.” This means that a husband needs to go out of his way to understand his wife. He needs to make a deliberate and conscientious effort to connect with her.

Everybody’s talking about the Internet these days. In order to get on the Internet, you have to have a computer and your computer has to have a modem—a device that transmits data over the phone lines.

Now modems come in all kinds of shapes and sizes, and they transmit data at different speeds. When you log on to the Internet, your modem talks to another modem at the other end of the line. And before they can start passing information back and forth, they have to make sure that they are talking the same language. They go through a process called “handshaking”. It is only then that the connection can take place.

And this is somewhat similar to marriage. In case you haven’t noticed, husbands and wives don’t always talk the same language. There’s a best-selling book out there called “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”. Husbands and wives sometimes don’t even appear to inhabit the same planet together!

Their emotional needs are different. Their communication styles are different. Their outlook on life is different. The way they approach situations and solve problems is different.

So for communication and understanding and intimacy to take place, they are going to have to connect, and this verse says that it is the husband who is responsible to initiate that connection. And he’s going to have to go out of his way to do it.

Look at the first phrase of that verse. “Husbands, in the same way be considerate…” What does Peter mean by saying: “In the same way”? Well, obviously, he must have already laid down a pattern for us, and he wants us to refer back to that pattern in order to discover what it’s going to take for husbands to be considerate of their wives.

And sure enough, if you look back a few verses previously, you’ll see that phrase repeated again, only this time it’s addressed to wives. Look at verse 1.

“Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands…”

So husbands are told “in the same way be considerate…” and wives are told “in the same way be submissive…” But our question is: “in the same way” as what?

Look back at 2:21: Peter has just been talking about suffering and submission, and he says:

To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps. “He committed no sin, and no deceit was found in his mouth.” When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly.

When Jesus came to die for us, he laid aside his rights and prerogatives as the Son of God. He “emptied himself”—Philippians 2 says—and took upon himself the form of a servant. And he did that for our benefit. He didn’t demand his rights. He didn’t try to safeguard his comfort.

He voluntarily placed our well-being above his own. He placed our best interests above his. And that is the biblical pattern for submission. It’s the pattern that Jesus demonstrated.

And that is the pattern that Peter calls us to emulate when he says to wives in verse 1 “in the same way, be submissive to your husbands…” and to husbands in verse 7 “in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives.”

That means that, in order for me, as a husband, to really connect with my wife, I am going to have to lay aside my natural communication style, my emotional needs (or lack of…!), my natural, instinctive, masculine approach to life in order to truly minister to her needs and meet her where she is.

And men, I believe that when you really start to do this, it begins to show in the countenance and the demeanor of your wife. She will begin to glow. Show me a woman who glows, and I’ll show you a husband who is going out of his way to be considerate of her.

Jesus Christ’s relationship with the Church is the pattern for marriage. And Ephesians 5 tells us that Christ gave himself up for the church in order to present her to himself as a radiant church. His self-sacrifice produced radiance in his beloved. Guys, how’s your wife this morning? Is she radiant?

The first gift of love you can give your wife is to connect with her. The second gift is to respect her. The Scripture goes on to say “and treat them with respect…” The expression means to treat her with honor.

Aretha Franklin spoke for all women when she sang “R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Find out what it means to me.” A woman needs to be treated with honor—it’s how God made her. She doesn’t want to be treated like junk.

And yet the tragedy of our society is that, more and more, women are being treated like garbage. Wives are being battered and beaten physically and verbally. Violence against women is on the rise, and more and more families are feeling the effects of it.

Women in the workplace are being harassed. Business Week magazine ran a cover article just last week on the rampant sexual harassment that was taking place in a major pharmaceuticals company. From the CEO on down, female employees were treated as sexual targets for the amusement of men.

I tell you, there is something very wrong in our society. Men are rapidly losing that quality of respect that they once had for women.

Author Steve Farrar tells how he happened upon an old re-run of the TV Western Rawhide. The two main characters in the program, Gil Favor and Rowdy Yates, had to ride into town to do some business. And as they walked through town, it was fascinating to watch how these two rough, tough cowboys interacted with people.

Every time they would pass by a woman, they would tip their hats. Whenever they spoke to a woman, they called her “Ma’am”. These two hard, strong men had learned to respect women.

Contrast that to what happened in a bar in suburban Boston Massachusetts not very long ago, where several men raped a young woman on a pool table while a couple of dozen onlookers cheered. I wonder what Gil Favor and Rowdy Yates would have done if they had walked in on that scene?

Respect for women begins at home. It begins with how a husband talks to his wife—with his tone of voice. With the words he uses. It may be that you have said some things to your wife that you need to ask her forgiveness for.

Calvin and Hobbes were walking along through their comic strip one day and Calvin said to Hobbes “I feel bad that I called Susie names and hurt her feelings. I’m sorry I did it.”

So Hobbes suggests “Then maybe you should apologize to her.”

Calvin thinks about this for a minute and says “I keep hoping there’s a less obvious solution.”

Men, we set the standard for our family when it comes to how we treat women.

When a young boy talks back to his mother, probably emulating behavior he has seen on TV, he’s learning to hold all women in disrespect. And a boy who is allowed to get away with that, and grow up like that—unchallenged by his father—will one day treat his wife with disrespect.

Dads, we cannot let that happen. The future of our society, and the well-being of women for generations to come, are depending on us to raise our sons to respect women. And it starts at home. Treat your wife with honor.

Connect with you wife. Respect your wife. And finally, protect your wife.

1 Peter 3:7 says “treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life”

Now when the Bible says that the wife is the weaker partner, it is not talking about her intellectual strength, or her character strength, or her emotional strength. It is simply talking about her physical strength. (And when I see what my wife gets done in a day compared to what I do, sometimes I even wonder who’s really physically weaker!)

The KJV calls her the “weaker vessel” because that’s the literal word used in Greek. It’s the word “skeuos”, and it means a vessel, or an implement, a fine tool.

When I was in grade school, I loved to draw. And I remember when I got my first compass—you know, that tool you use to draw circles with. And it was just a cheap old thing, made of tin. And I didn’t take very good care of it.

I used that compass to carve my initials into my school desk, with the result that the point got bent and the compass would no longer draw perfect circles. When I was finished using that compass, I would just throw it into my desk, which was always a mess.

But then, when I was in high school, my older brother gave me my first set of real drafting tools for Christmas one year. They were beautiful—gleaming chrome steel compasses and dividers, made in Germany. They came in a leather case that was lined with blue velvet. You better believe that I took good care of those instruments. No carving desks with those babies!

That’s the picture that Peter is painting here for us. Husbands, our wives are like fine, precision-crafted instruments. Our heavenly father has crafted them for us, and given them to us as a gift. He means for them to do us good and not evil all the days of our lives. But we’ve got to treat them right. We need to protect them, and guard them, and hold them close.

The old commentator Matthew Henry has well described how God created Eve. He said that God made Eve out of Adam’s rib; not out of his head that she might rule over him, nor out of his feet that she might be trampled upon by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected by him, and near his heart to be beloved by him.

The concept of chivalry has almost disappeared in our day and age, and we are the poorer for it. There is something in a husband holding the door for his wife, or taking his place on the outside near the road as they walk along a sidewalk, or taking care of the heavy jobs around the house, that speaks of his desire to shelter, and honor, and protect her. And I don’t know too many women who would object to that sort of treatment.

A woman needs to feel sheltered, protected, and secure in the love of her husband. And these little gestures are just some of the ways that you can let her know that you are going to be there for her.

Finally men, we must never fall into the idea that our wives are inferior for us. Peter reminds us that they are “heirs with us of the gracious gift of life”. And he tells us that the way we treat our wives has a direct bearing on our own walk with God. He says do these things “so that nothing will hinder your prayers.”

Show me a man who is being insensitive and unloving to his wife and I’ll show you a man whom God is not listening to. Oh, he may claim to be a spiritual giant, and he may even hold leadership positions in the church. But that man’s prayers are being drowned out by the injured, frustrated sighs of his wife. Men, don’t let that be you.

The greatest gift that you can give your wife on Mother’s Day is to connect with her, respect her, and protect her. Now let’s go and do it.