Mother’s Day

One evening a man came home from work to find total mayhem in his house. His two preschool aged children were outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mudEmpty food boxes and wrappers were strewn all around the front yard. The door of his wife’s car was open, as was the front door to the house.

He hurried into the entry, where he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the family room the TV was blaring a cartoon channel, and toys and various items of clothing were strewn about.

In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast cereal was spilled all over the counter, dog food was all over the floor, and a broken glass lay under the table.

The man quickly headed upstairs, looking for his wife, tripping over toys and more piles of clothes as he went . He was worried that she might be ill, or that something terrible had happened to her.

He burst into their bedroom only to find her curled up in bed reading a novel. She calmly looked up at him, smiled, and said “Hi honey. How was your day?”. He looked at her in bewilderment and exclaimed, “What in the world happened here today?”

She put down her book and said, “Honey, you know how every day you come home from work and you ask me “Well, what did you do today?”

He said “Yeah…?”

She replied, “Well, today I didn’t do it.”

Being a mother and a homemaker is a tough job—especially when you’re dealing with little children! Here’s a prayer that one Mom prayed:

Lord, help me today when things go wrong. When I get that shopping cart with only three wheels and they’re all going in different directions, help me to know my strength comes from you.

Be with me as I drop off my children at soccer practice, Little League, piano lessons, the library, a birthday party, and Girl Scouts. Help me to remember to be at the right place at the right time to pick up the right kid.

And today, should my washing machine break down, my dishwasher overflow, and my refrigerator decide to start making slushes out of my cartons of milk, help me to be thankful that they did actually make it a full week beyond their warranty expiration dates.

And Lord, when dinner burns, and the dog tracks in mud on my newly washed floors, grant me patience as I throw them both out.

When the bottom falls out of my trash bag, help me to look on the bright side. All those empty cereal boxes lying there, and those opened cans rolling around on the floor are proof that at least my family hasn’t had to go hungry.

And if the mail is late, my carpool’s early, and those dinner guests I forgot I had invited arrive right on time, let me rest in your peace.

Finally, Lord, when the kids miss the bus, and I dash to take them to school in my robe and curlers, and run out of gas at the front entrance, let me hide in your love. For Lord, when things go wrong, I need to remember that you have a way of making everything right again. Amen.

A woman named Anna Jarvis was born over a hundred years ago in West Virginia, but she ended up living, for a number of years, in Philadelphia. During that time, she cared for her mother, who was chronically ill.

When her mother passed away in 1905, Anna yearned to find some way to honor the memory of that good woman. She remembered the picnics that her mother had helped to organize back home in Grafton, West Virginia. They were called Mother’s Friendship Day picnics, and many women and their families gathered at them in an effort to heal the lingering wounds of the Civil War.

Anna came up with a brilliant idea: Why not have a national day to honor all mothers? She wrote to the U.S. Patent Office and obtained a copyright for the idea of “Mother’s Day”. Then she tirelessly campaigned for her idea—she spoke to governors, state legislators, congressmen, senators, clergymen. She even lobbied the White House to get this special day recognized.

Finally, in 1914, President Woodrow Wilson signed a proclamation making the second Sunday in May a day that would be nationally observed as Mother’s Day. But Anna didn’t stop there. She went international with her idea.

And when Anna Jarvis died in 1948, they put a wreath of 43 carnations on her grave because that was how many countries in the world had adopted Mother’s Day due to her efforts. Anna Jarvis was never a mother herself, but she was the mother of Mother’s Day.

On Mother’s Day we stop to pay tribute to our mothers and our wives. We give them flowers, and gifts, and other expressions of love. But I would like to suggest to you this morning that there is one gift that surpasses all. One gift that every woman—not just mothers—would love to receive. This gift is found in one verse of Scripture, and it is the best gift that a woman could ever receive.

The verse that I am speaking of is 1 Peter 3:7.

Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.

Now that verse is addressed to husbands—it occurs in a passage that deals with how to have a happy marriage. But I believe that that verse contains three principles which should govern the way that we treat all women everywhere—married or single, young or old. And those three principles start with the initials CPR. Every woman needs CPR.

Now you may have had training in the other kind of CPR—how to save someone’s life using Cardio-Pulmonary Resuscitation. But this is different. This is a behavioral kind of CPR that is spoken of here 1Peter 3:7, and it can literally save a woman’s life emotionally, and relationally, and spiritually.

One of the great tragedies of our modern society is that there are so many women out there who are literally dying inside because they haven’t received this kind of CPR. They are have been abandoned; they have been treated as disposable objects; they have been used and abused by the significant men in their lives. And they desperately need some of this CPR that the Bible talks about.

So on Mother’s Day 2000, I want to talk particularly to the men and the young men who are here today. I want to teach you how to do CPR for the significant women in your life—your wife, your mother, your sister, a female friend.

So what does this CPR stand for? Well, there are three principles in that verse that a man must do in order to treat a woman properly:

1. Connect with her

2. Protect her

3. Respect her

CPR—Connect, Protect, Respect

1. Connect with her

1 Peter 3:7 says be considerate as you live with your wife. The KJV version says “Dwell with your wife according to knowledge.” This means that a husband needs to go out of his way to understand his wife. He needs to make a deliberate and conscientious effort to connect with her.

Many of you guys use the Internet. In order to get on the Internet, your computer has to have a modem (unless you are connecting thru a network). A modem is a device that enables computers to communicate over the phone lines. It modulates the digital data of your computer and turns it into analog data—electrical current—that can be transmitted over phone wires. (That’s what that horrible screeching sound is when you log onto the Internet.) The modem at the other end of the connection demodulates that electrical current and turns it back into digital data. The word modem means “modulate-demodulate”.

So when you log on to the Internet, your modem talks to another modem at the other end of the line. And before they can start passing information back and forth, they have to make sure that they are talking the same language. They go through a process called “handshaking”. And when they establish that they’re both talking the same language, the connection can take place, and information can begin to flow.

Now guys, this is somewhat similar to communicating with a woman. In case you haven’t noticed, guys and girls don’t always talk the same language. There’s a best-selling book out there called “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”. Men and women sometimes don’t even appear to inhabit the same planet!

A woman’s emotional needs are different. Her communication style is different. Her outlook on life is different. The way she approaches situations and solves problems is different.

So for communication and understanding to take place, we are going to have to connect—we’re going to have to get on the same page—and this verse says that it is the man who is responsible to initiate that connection. And he’s going to have to go out of his way to do it.

Look at the first phrase of that verse. “Husbands, in the same way be considerate…” What does Peter mean when he says: “In the same way”? Well, obviously, he is referring to a pattern, or a template, that he’s already given us, and he wants us to refer back to that template in order to find out how to be considerate to our wives

So you start looking back a few verses—you’re looking for the pattern—but lo and behold, you bump into that phrase again, only this time it’s addressed to wives. Look at verse 1.

“Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands…”

So this is getting intriguing! In verse 7 he tells husbands “in the same way be considerate of your wives” and in verse 1, he tells wives “in the same way be submissive to your husbands”. But we still haven’t found out the answer to the question: “in the same way” as what?

Look back at 2:21: Peter has just been talking about suffering and submission, and he says:

To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps*. “He committed no sin, and no deceit was found in his mouth.” When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly.*

When Jesus came to die for us, he laid aside his rights and prerogatives as the Son of God. He “emptied himself”—according to Philippians 2—and took upon himself the form of a servant. And he did that for our benefit. He didn’t demand his rights. He didn’t try to safeguard his comfort.

He voluntarily placed our well-being above his own. He placed our best interests above his. And that is the biblical pattern for submission. It’s the pattern that Jesus demonstrated in his own life and ministry.

And that is the pattern—that’s the template—that Peter tells us to follow when he says to wives in verse 1 “in the same way, be submissive to your husbands…” and to husbands in verse 7 “in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives.”

That means that, in order for me, as a man, to really connect with my woman, I am going to have to lay aside my natural communication style, , my rights, my needs, my natural, instinctive, masculine approach to life in order to truly minister to her needs and meet her where she is.

And men, I believe that when you really attempt to do this, you have begun to learn how to connect. And a woman can sense that—and a woman appreciates that.

A classic example is when a wife is feeling frustrated and overwhelmed by the many demands of life. So she shares those frustrations with her husband. Hearing that, her husband’s typical response will be to give her a list of ways to solve her problem, reduce the pressure, and get a handle on her life. (Men are, by nature, problem solvers.) But that’s not what she needs him to be in that situation.

She needs understanding, she needs empathy, she needs emotional support. She doesn’t need answers. She doesn’t need a “How to get organized” list.

So for a husband to really connect with his wife in that situation, he’s going to have to put aside his automatic masculine approach and try to hear what she’s really saying.

The first part of this gift that we can give to a woman is to connect with her. The second gift is to…

2. Protect her

1 Peter 3:7 treat them with respect as the weaker partner …

Now when the Bible says that the wife is the weaker partner, it is not talking about her intellectual ability, or her strength of character, or her emotional resilience. It is simply talking about her physical capacity.

The KJV calls her the “weaker vessel” because that’s the literal word used in Greek. It’s the word “skeuos”, and it means a vessel—an implement, a fine tool.

When I was a boy in Woodland School in Verdun, Quebec, I loved to draw. And I remember when I got my first compass—that little tool you use to draw circles with. My first compass was just a cheap old thing, made of tin. And I’m afraid that I didn’t take very good care of it.

I used that compass to jab my friend Keith and make him yell in class. I used it carve my initials into my school desk, with the result that the point got bent. And when the point got bent the compass would no longer draw perfect circles. When I was finished using that compass, I would just throw it into my desk, which was always a mess. (I had the messiest desk in my class.) And eventually, I just lost that old compass.

But when I got to high school, my older brother gave me my first set of real drafting instruments for Christmas one year. They were beautiful—gleaming chrome steel compasses and dividers, made in Germany. They came in a leather case that was lined with blue velvet. You better believe that I took good care of those instruments. No carving desks with those babies!

That’s the picture that Peter is painting here for us. Husband, your wife is like a fine, precision-crafted instrument. God has crafted her for you, and He has given her to you as a gift. He intends for her to do you good and not evil all the days of your life. But you’ve got to treat her right. You need to protect her, and guard her, take good care of her, and hold her close. And I don’t believe that it is paternalistic or chauvinistic to say so.

The old commentator Matthew Henry has described how God created Eve. He said that God made Eve out of Adam’s rib; not out of his head that she might rule over him, nor out of his feet that she might be trampled upon by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected by him, and near to his heart to be loved by him.

Have you noticed that the concept of chivalry has almost disappeared in today’s society? And we are the poorer for it. There is something about a man holding the door for a woman, or taking his place on the outside as they walk along a sidewalk, or taking care of the heavy lifting around the house. That speaks of his desire to shelter, and honor, and protect her. And I don’t know too many women who would object to being treated that way.

A woman wants to feel sheltered, and protected, and secure and these little gestures are just some of the ways that you can let her know that you think she’s special, and that she can count on you to be there for her.

The radical feminist movement has pushed us too far in the opposite direction. I believe in equal rights and equal pay and equal treatment for women in society at large. But I don’t believe that that should translate into treating women as though they were just men in dresses. In our personal relationships we should honor them and protect them.

Connect with her. Protect her. And finally…

3. Respect her

The Bible says “and treat them with respect…” The expression means to treat her with honor.

Aretha Franklin spoke for all women when she sang “R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Find out what it means to me.” A woman wants to be treated with honor—it’s how God made her. She doesn’t want to be treated like junk.

And yet the tragedy of our society is that, more and more, women are being treated like garbage. Wives are being battered and beaten physically and verbally. Violence against women is on the rise, and more and more families are feeling the effects of it.

Women in the workplace are being harassed. In 1996, Business Week magazine ran a cover article on sexual harassment in the workplace. A particular pharmaceuticals company was singled out. In the corporate culture of that company, from the CEO on down, female employees were treated as sexual targets for the amusement of men.

In our society, men are rapidly losing that quality of respect that they once had for women.

Author Steve Farrar tells how he happened upon an old re-run of the TV Western Rawhide. The two main characters in that program were Gil Favor and Rowdy Yates. One day they had to ride into town to do some business. And as they walked through town, it was fascinating to watch on that TV re-run how those two rough, tough cowboys interacted with people.

Every time they would pass by a woman, they would tip their hats. Whenever they spoke to a woman, they called her “Ma’am”. These two hard, strong men had obviously been taught to respect women. And they reflected the prevailing culture of that day.

Contrast that to what happened in a bar in suburban Boston Massachusetts not very long ago, where several men raped a young woman on a pool table while a couple of dozen onlookers cheered. I wonder what Gil Favor and Rowdy Yates would have done if they had walked in on that scene?

I wonder what they would think if they heard some of the lyrics of the gangsta rap music that our kids listen to today? Lyrics in which women are referred to as whores and bitches.

Respect for women begins at home. It begins with how a husband talks to his wife—with his tone of voice. With the words he uses. It may be that you have said some things to your wife that you need to ask her forgiveness for.

Calvin and Hobbes were walking along through their comic strip one day and Calvin said to Hobbes “I feel bad that I called Susie names and hurt her feelings. I’m sorry I did it.”

So Hobbes suggests “Then maybe you should apologize to her.”

Calvin thinks about this for a minute and says “I keep hoping there’s a less obvious solution.”

Men, we set the standard for our family when it comes to how we treat women.

When a young boy talks back to his mother, perhaps imitating behavior he has seen on TV, he’s learning to hold all women in disrespect. And a boy who is allowed to get away with that, and grow up like that—unchallenged by his Dad—will one day treat his wife with disrespect.

Dads, we cannot let that happen. The future of our society, and the well-being of women for generations to come, is depending on us to raise our sons to respect women. And it starts at home. Treat your wife with honor. There’s a lot riding on it!

Peter reminds us that our wives are “heirs with us of the gracious gift of life”. And he tells us that the way we treat our wives has a direct bearing on our own walk with God. He says do these things “so that nothing will hinder your prayers.”

Show me a man who is being insensitive and unloving to his wife or his daughters, or to women in general, and I’ll show you a man to whom God is not listening.

That man may claim to be a spiritual giant—he may hold a leadership position in the church. But that man’s prayers are drowned out in the ears of God by the silent tears of his wife.

Every woman needs biblical CPR. The best gift she can receive is for the man in her life to connect with her, protect her, and respect her.

Now let’s go and do it.