Dealing with Anger

Let me introduce you to a man named Leonard Holt.

Leonard Holt was a middle-aged, hard-working lab technician. He had worked at the same paper mill in Northern Pennsylvania for 19 years. He was an affectionate father, a Boy Scout leader, and a volunteer fireman. He attended church regularly.

His neighbors thought that Leonard Holt was a regular guy, a solid citizen. Until that image exploded one brisk October morning several years ago. For that was the morning that Leonard Holt decided to release his rage.

Leonard Holt was a gun collector and an expert marksman. That morning, he stuffed a .45 automatic and a Smith and Wesson .38 into his coat pockets. He brought along some extra ammo clips.

Then he calmly drove his station wagon to the mill where he worked. He parked quietly, and gripping a gun in each hand, he slowly walked into the shop. He opened fire with such frenzy that it looked like a scene from a Terminator movie.

Several of his fellow workers—men he had known for almost 20 years—went down with two and three bullets apiece in them. They never knew what hit them. In a few seconds of madness, he fired more than 30 shots, and a half dozen people lay dead or dying on the plant floor.

When the police finally arrived and took Leonard Holt into custody, the town was in shock. How could such a pillar of the community turn into such a monster?

Well, the homicide detectives discovered how: underneath Leonard Holt’s veneer of respectability beat the heart of a very angry man. He was consumed with hatred and resentment.

Several of his victims had been promoted over him at work. One of them was a man in his car pool who had quit riding with him because of his reckless driving. Another was a neighbor who had gotten into an argument with him over a fallen tree.

So Leonard Holt, that nice respectable man on the exterior, was walking around all those years with murder in his heart .

Before we dismiss him as a psychopath, we need to ask the question: How different is Leonard Holt from you and me? Maybe the only real difference is that he had the audacity to express his anger in the most absolute possible way: he physically terminated the people he was angry with.

None of us would dare go to that extreme. So we keep the lid tightly clamped shut on our anger and let the poison leak out into our lives in other ways. Christian counselors say that the #1 cause of conditions such as burn-out, passive-aggressive behavior, and chronic depression is unresolved anger.

You can be an anger-driven person and not even know it. That single-minded drive for success, those workaholic tendencies, that streak of perfectionism—qualities that the world may even admire you for—can actually be gaining their energy from unresolved anger in your life.

The desire to get back at someone; or to prove something to somebody can be a powerful motivator.

In his book Ordering Your Private World, Gordon MacDonald relates how a successful business executive confessed that at the root of his single-minded drive to the top of the business world lay the desire to prove to his father that he could actually make something of himself.

This man’s father had heaped ridicule and sarcasm on him as he was growing up. That dysfunctional Dad impressed upon that young man that he would never be a success; that he would never amount to anything in life. And even though his father had been dead for 15 years, this man, as an adult, could not shake the anger and resentment he still felt toward him. That anger empowered virtually everything he did.

Anger is a fuel that can propel you through life. It will take you fast and it will take you far. But it will burn out your motor in the process and leave nothing but ashes at the center of your soul.

Jesus spoke of the devastating power of anger in Matthew 5. Let’s turn to that chapter now. While you’re turning there, let’s do a little review.

Last week, we saw how Jesus explained to the people where he stood in relation to the OT Law. He hadn’t come to abolish it; he had come to fulfill it. But he hadn’t come to fulfill it by promoting a do-it-yourself legalistic agenda such as the Pharisees had done. They had built up an elaborate system of rules and regulations, based on their interpretation of the OT Law, that was supposed to produce righteousness.

But their system was inadequate. Their application of the Law fell far short of what God desired. Jesus said “Unless your righteousness surpasses that of the Pharisees and the teachers of the Law, you will certainly not enter the kingdom of heaven.”

You see, the problem with the Pharisees’ system was that it centered on your outward behavior, not your inner heart attitude. But true righteousness begins in the heart. Your conduct may be correct on the outside, but your heart can be full of wickedness on the inside.

And Jesus introduces a series of six examples—from verse 21 to the end of the chapter—to prove that point. Each example shows us that true righteousness depends on what is in your heart, not just on your outer actions.

Jesus begins each example by saying “You have heard that it was said…” and then he goes on to say “But I say unto you…” He’s drawing a contrast between what the Pharisees had taught the people about righteousness and what he was now going to teach them. So let’s look at the first example. It’s found in verse 21…

Matthew 5:21-22 “You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘Do not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.’ But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to his brother, ‘Raca,’ is answerable to the Sanhedrin. But anyone who says, ‘You fool!’ will be in danger of the fire of hell.

With the O.J. Simpson case going on right now, everyone knows that if a man is suspected of murder, he has to go on trial. He has to face a judge—he is subject to judgment. The same was true in Jesus’ day. If a man committed murder, he was taken before the Sanhedrin, the Jewish legal council, and they would judge his case.

Now, obviously, if you had not been accused of having committed a murder, there was no reason for you to appear before the Sanhedrin. You were in the clear as far as they were concerned.

But Jesus said “Just because your outer conduct does not require you to stand before the Sanhedrin doesn’t mean that you are righteous in God’s eyes.”

“For I tell you that if you are merely angry with your brother, you are subject to judgment.” And the judgment Jesus implies here is the judgment of God, not the judgment of the Sanhedrin or any other earthly court. Because only God can judge what’s going on in your heart.

Your name may not be on any court docket here on earth. You may be entirely in the clear as far as keeping the earthly law is concerned. Because the earthly law can only regulate your outer conduct. But if you are harboring anger in your heart toward your brother, then Jesus says you have a date in God’s court. You are subject to his judgment.

Again, Jesus said “Anyone who says to his brother, ‘Raca,’ is answerable to the Sanhedrin.” The word “Raca” was an Aramaic word of utter contempt. It comes from a root word that means “empty”. In today’s vernacular, it might mean something like “You worthless scumbag”.

It was such a severe insult, that if you were caught saying it to anybody, you could be hauled up in front of the Sanhedrin to answer for it. That’s how serious it was. So you didn’t go around saying the “R” word.

But Jesus said “You may never actually say the “R” word. Those syllables may never cross your lips. But if you merely call your neighbor a fool (and you couldn’t get in trouble for doing that) how is your heart any different? Your heart is still full of anger and hatred and you are in danger of the fire of hell. You are in danger of God’s judgment.”

In other words, you’re back in God’s courtroom. God is going to judge you for harboring that kind of attitude toward another person. And he’s going to do it on the basis of what’s in your heart, not what’s on your lips. If you have anger in your heart, you are guilty of sin. This is the thrust of Jesus’ teaching.

Now you’re probably asking a very important question at this point: “Is Jesus therefore saying that all anger is sin?” Didn’t Jesus himself get angry when he cleared the Temple? Aren’t there verses like Eph. 4:26 which say “In your anger, do not sin.” Doesn’t the Bible sometimes say that God is angry?

The Bible teaches that not all anger is sinful. There is such a thing as righteous anger. So how do you tell the difference between the two?

Righteous anger is when you become angry over things which are an affront to the glory of God. For example, you can become righteously angry at sin and injustice because those are things which do not bring honor and glory to God. Those things are an affront to His kingdom, and to His majesty.

But the problem with us is that our anger is usually generated, not by what is happening to God’s kingdom, but by what is happening to our own personal little kingdom.

99% of the time I become angry when I am affronted, when I am inconvenienced, when I am hurt. And that kind of anger—the anger that comes from me being the target, from me being the injured party, from my pride being hurt, from my interests being damaged—that kind of anger is sinful.

Look at how this worked out in Jesus’ life. Jesus cleared the Temple not once, but twice, because the priests and the merchants were dishonoring God the Father by turning the Temple into a flea market. That made Jesus very angry. But it was a righteous anger. He was consumed with zeal for the holiness of God’s house.

But when Jesus was personally attacked, he didn’t get angry. When he was unjustly arrested, unfairly tried, illegally beaten, mocked and spit upon, and cruelly crucified—when in fact he had every human reason to react with anger—then, as Peter says in 1 Peter 2:23 “He did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats.”

Instead he said, “Father forgive them, for they don’t know what they are doing.”

We are so unlike Jesus. We are quick to get angry when we are not being treated properly. But we are slow to get angry when God is not being treated properly.

Anyone can get angry. But to be angry over the right issue at the right time and in the right way takes a great deal of spiritual maturity. When the Bible says “In your anger do not sin” it means to get angry about the things that would make Jesus angry, and only those things.

In the next few verses, Jesus gives us two practical examples of how to handle anger in two different situations. He takes one example from religious life and the other from secular life. Let’s read them, beginning in verse 23…

Example #1 “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.”

Example #2 “Settle matters quickly with your adversary who is taking you to court. Do it while you are still with him on the way, or he may hand you over to the judge, and the judge may hand you over to the officer, and you may be thrown into prison.”

I think it’s very interesting that in these two examples, it’s not you who is the one who is angry. Somebody else is angry with you. Now you might say, “Well what can I do about that? If someone is angry with me, there’s not much that I can do about that, is there? That’s a matter between that person and God.”

No it’s not. Jesus is saying here that anger has such devastating power that you need to do all that you can to defuse it, even if it is happening in someone else’s life, not your own. And how do you defuse anger? By pursuing reconciliation. By being a peacemaker.

And I would have you notice that there is a tremendous urgency in each example. Look at the language Jesus uses: “Leave your gift.…first go and be reconciled…settle matters quickly…do it while you are still on the way.” He’s telling us that reconciliation is a matter of the utmost urgency. Don’t leave anger to fester. The longer anger simmers, the harder it is to get rid of.

The first example is from religious life. You are on your way to worship God at the Temple. That, in Jesus day, was the most important activity in all of human life.

You arrive at the altar with your gift and you are about to offer your sacrifice to God. The angels are looking on, God is waiting, the choir is singing, the priests are standing by. Nothing could be more proper or noble or important at that moment in your life than that act of worship, right? Wrong!

Jesus says that if you are about to worship God, and you remember that your brother has something against you, the most important thing in the world is to go and make things right with your brother.

Leave your gift there in front of the altar. Keep God waiting. Follow the D.E.A.R. strategy. Drop Everything And Reconcile! “First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.”

I say this very carefully, and very seriously. I say it to choir members, and praise team leaders, and instrumentalists, and soloists, and deacons, and trustees, and S.S. teachers, and youth leaders, and every one in the congregation. And I say it to myself. God doesn’t want your ministry if, somewhere out there, there’s somebody who has something against you and you haven’t tried to make it right.

Jesus says that you can’t get all dolled up to go to church thinking everything is ok between you and God if you’re leaving strewn in your wake broken relationships and people who are alienated from you for one reason or another. God doesn’t want worshipers like that.

The great painter Leonardo da Vinci was working on his masterpiece The Lord’s Supper when he became involved in an argument with a friend. Some heated words were exchanged, and the two men parted company with bad feelings between them.

Trying to put the argument out of his mind, da Vinci returned to his canvas to work on his painting. It just so happened that at that moment, he was working on the face of Jesus. But he couldn’t seem to get it right. Try and try as he might, he just couldn’t paint the face of Jesus properly. His mind was distracted because he was upset about the argument with his friend.

Finally, the great painter put down his brush and went to his friend and asked his forgiveness. The two men embraced each other in reconciliation. Then da Vinci went back to his painting and was able to paint the face of Christ.

When we seek to mend broken relationships, we are literally painting the face of Jesus for all to see. Jesus said “By this all men will know that you are my disciples; if you love one another.” Broken relationships between Christians are a primary reason why more people do not want to become Christians. Let’s not let that be true of this church.

The second example that Jesus gives comes from secular life. Somehow or other, you’ve gotten involved in a dispute with somebody, and that person is now going to take you to court.

There’s nothing more anger-producing than to be involved in a court case. The law puts you on opposite sides of an issue. So you hire a lawyer. You develop arguments to buttress your position. You put all your energy into winning the case and defeating your opponent.

You find yourself in what lawyers call an “adversarial relationship”. It’s pretty hard to mend broken relationships in a courtroom. That’s why Jesus says “Don’t let it come to that. Don’t let a dispute get to the place where you’re going to go to court over it.”

It doesn’t matter to Jesus in this case who is in the right and who is in the wrong.. It doesn’t matter to him that you might or might not get what you think you have coming to you. What matters is that you settle the dispute with your adversary. What matters is mending that broken relationship.

And Jesus gives a warning here: if you insist on going to court, if you insist on getting your pound of flesh, if you insist on trying to win your case instead of trying to settle the dispute, you might very well lose your case and end up in prison. The consequences of letting anger run its course can be devastating.

So what can we do about anger? How can we deal with it biblically when it rears it’s ugly head in our lives? I’d like to leave you with three questions to ask next time you become angry:

1. Why am I angry? Am I angry over an issue that Jesus would become angry about? Or am I angry because I’m not getting my own way, or I have been mistreated, or things aren’t just the way I want them to be? Am I being impatient with people?

By the way, don’t ever blame other people for making you angry. People cannot create your spirit; they can only reveal it.

2. By expressing my anger, will I bring glory to God? Will I build up a positive testimony as a man or woman of God? Will people think more of the God I profess to serve and worship? Or will I simply show myself to be an irritable, bad-tempered, self-centered person?

3. What resources has God given me to deal with this anger that I am feeling inside? The worst thing that you can do is to suppress your anger, to deny that you have it, to pretend that it doesn’t exist.

Because when you do that, your anger doesn’t go away; it just goes underground. And it leaches into other areas of your life. It contaminates your whole emotional aquifer. You need to acknowledge and deal with your anger. But you need to deal with it biblically.

And dealing with it biblically means talking to God about it. Prayer is the greatest resource for dealing with anger.

Have you ever noticed how many of the Psalms are angry Psalms? I mean, David is really steamed in Psalms 35, 69, 109, and others that he wrote! We call them the imprecatory Psalms because he’s calling down curses, or imprecations, on his enemies.

But he’s not talking to his enemies about how he feels; he’s talking to God about it. He’s letting all that anger out with God. And if you look at his life, David ended up being a very meek, forgiving person toward his enemies. Because he had taken all of his anger and expressed it to God.

Sometimes we think that we can’t be honest with God about the way we feel. We’re afraid that we might offend him or something! “God might be shocked if he knew how I really feel toward so and so.”

Listen, God already knows. If you’ve got a problem with so and so, then you’d better tell God about it. Give him a piece of your mind. Because if you don’t, then you’re probably going to end up giving so and so a piece of your mind! Or even worse, you’re going to bury that anger and let it poison all of your relationships.

By going to God when we are angry, we are opening ourselves up to the ministry of the Holy Spirit in our lives. And the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.