How a Christian Responds to Mistreatment

I want to tell you a very tragic story that happened just a few years ago not far from where we lived on Long Island.

On March 13, 1989, on Horton Avenue in Valley Stream, Richard and Victoria Tinyes became concerned when their thirteen-year-old daughter, Kelly Ann, did not arrive home for dinner. Later that evening, they began a frantic door-to-door search throughout the neighborhood, trying to determine if anyone had seen their daughter or knew of her whereabouts.

One neighbor told Victoria that he saw Kelly Ann knocking on the door of their neighbor, John Golub, that afternoon. When approached by Vicky Tinyes, John Golub and his wife, Elizabeth, said they had not seen Kelly that day. They said that the neighbor must have been mistaken.

As two days passed and Kelly Ann still did not return home, this discrepancy in stories prompted Nassau County police to obtain a warrant to search the Golub house. While searching the basement, they found Kelly Ann’s naked body in a closet, stuffed in a plastic bag.

Autopsy results found that Kelly Ann had been raped, beaten, and finally stabbed to death. The ensuing investigation caused police to indict twenty-one year old Robert Golub, the son of John and Elizabeth Golub, for second degree murder.

The evidence against him was overwhelming. It included DNA matching of Golub’s blood and skin taken from under Kelly Ann’s fingernails, as well as the matching of a bite-mark on Kelly Ann’s body to Golub’s mouth and teeth formation. Robert Golub was found guilty of second degree murder and was sentenced to 25 years to life for the crime

As terrible as this story is, it is only one part of the drama that has unfolded on Horton Avenue over these past six years. After the murder of their daughter, Richard and Victoria Tinyes developed a burning hatred for the entire Golub family. Getting revenge for what Robert Golub did to their daughter is all they can think about.

Since that fateful day in 1989, the Golubs and Tinyeses have been in court over two dozen times to file harassment charges against one another. In a recent article in New York Newsday, Richard Tinyes said “I hate the entire Golub family, and will do everything in my power to drive them out of the neighborhood.”

What is so tragic about this story is that, while the courts have sentenced Robert Golub to life in prison, his parents have sentenced themselves to a lifetime in prison. They have become slaves to this tragedy. They have built walls of bitterness around themselves, and are unable to break the bonds of despair that shackle them.

The desire for revenge; the desire to get back at whoever wronged you is something that we all struggle with. Jesus spoke of it in the Sermon on the Mount. How do you respond when someone injures you? How do you act when you are insulted, or mistreated, or wronged? What do you do?

In Matthew 5:38–42, Jesus says…

Matthew 5:38 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.

God gave Israel a law of retribution, which is found in the books of Exodus, Leviticus, and Deuteronomy. This is what Jesus is referring to in v.38. The very purpose of that law was not to encourage retribution, but to limit it.

If somebody injured you through an act of carelessness or deliberate cruelty, then according to this law, you were not allowed to launch a blood feud against that man and his family.

You were not allowed to go on a crusade of revenge. No. The most you were allowed was to seek just and equitable payment for your injury—nothing more. That payment had to be proportional to the wrong that was done to you. An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.

And you had to seek that satisfaction through the courts. You were not permitted to try to obtain it yourself. This OT law of retribution has become the basis of our whole modern legal system of torts.

By the time of Jesus, the Jewish scribes had built up a tremendous body of interpretation around the law of retribution. The rabbis had developed an intricate system for assessing damages. And the thrust of their teaching was that, if you were wronged, you could seek redress for that wrong through the legal system.

But then Jesus came along and said something entirely different. He said “Look, if you want to be truly righteous, you’ve got to turn your back on this idea of getting what you deserve when you are mistreated.

You’ve got to be willing to give up your right to compensation, your right to decent and fair treatment, your right to gain restitution from someone who hurts you.

Because when you insist on those rights—on getting what you deserve, on keeping what you have, on defending your honor—it merely shows that there is something deeply wrong in your heart. It reveals that you are still living your life on the principle of Self—of looking out for Number One. And that’s not what God wants us to do.

We need to stop here and make a couple of observations about this passage before we proceed any further. This passage of Scripture might qualify as the most misunderstood and misinterpreted passage in the whole Bible.

Down through the years, people have used it to support all sorts of strange ideas, because they have taken it out of its context in the overall teaching of the Sermon on the Mount. So we need to make sure that we understand very clearly two important facts about this passage.

1. This passage applies to the born-again Christian. Jesus gave this teaching to his followers, not to the world at large. This teaching is for people of whom the Beatitudes are true—people who have become poor in spirit, people who have learned to mourn over their own sinfulness, people who are hungering and thirsting for God’s righteousness—people who have had a fundamental change of heart.

This teaching is impossible for a natural man to obey. No one, unless he is empowered by the Spirit of God, can do these things. Because no one, unless God gives him a new Self, can put aside the old Self.

2. This teaching is not meant to be a pattern for government, or law enforcement, or national defence.

The reason I say this is that many people have misunderstood this teaching to be God’s prescription for the way society ought to work. Leo Tolstoy, the man who wrote War and Peace, took it that way. He said that we should not have any armies or any police forces, because Jesus said that we should not resist evil people. We should be pacifists. But that is not what this passage is about at all.

There are many places in Scripture where God teaches the importance of human government and the responsibility of that government—and the citizens of that government—to resist and punish evil-doers and to maintain law and order.

Romans 13 tells us very clearly that God instituted government to promote good behavior and punish bad behavior. Government is God’s servant to restrain evil. And, insofar as we are citizens and subjects of the government, we have a responsibility and an obligation to assist in maintaining law and order. This is God’s will for us as citizens of the state.

So if you are walking in downtown Allentown and see a mugger attacking a woman to rob her purse, you have a God-given duty to intervene and stop him, or at the very least to call the police.

If a robber breaks into your house and threatens you and your family, you have a God-given duty to resist him and stop him, because he’s breaking the law. If you see a man cruelly abusing a child, you have a responsibility to intervene and force him to stop.

If the government calls on you to serve in the armed forces so that an aggressor nation can be prevented from attacking its neighbors, then you have a God-given duty to obey that call.

But these things are not what is at issue here in the Sermon on the Mount.

The issue here is much more personal and individual. What is your response going to be when you personally are mistreated? What are you going to do when someone wrongs you or imposes on you?

Are you going to lash out at him to protect yourself? Are you going to fight back—fire with fire? Are you going to defend your honor? Are you going to sue for damages? Are you going to look out for No. 1?

How you respond reveals who’s in control of your heart. Jesus gives four practical examples here. Let’s look at them…

Example #1:

“If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also.”

Most people are right-handed, correct? As far as we can tell, it has been that way throughout history. If you are right-handed, how would you strike someone on their right cheek? You would have to use the back of your right hand, wouldn’t you?

In Jesus’ day, if someone struck you with the back of his hand, that was the worst possible insult. That was worse than if he struck you with an open palm, or even with a fist. The back of your hand was what you used to hit a dog.

This is what Jesus is talking about here. If somebody deeply and intentionally insults you—it goes beyond just a physical thing—what are you going to do? Are you going to strike back? Are you going to retaliate? Are you going to demand an apology for that kind of treatment?

Jesus says, “No. Instead of doing all that, turn the other cheek. Don’t resist. Don’t get into a fight with this person. Don’t seek to retaliate.”

Example #2:

“If someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well.

Now we’re getting hit in the wallet!

Back in those days, a man could literally lose his shirt in payment for a debt. But he couldn’t lose his outer cloak. The Law of Moses said that, whatever else you took from a man, you couldn’t take his cloak. A man’s cloak was his most personal possession.

It protected him from the heat of the sun during the day. He wrapped it around himself as a blanket by night. The Law specifically said that a lender could not keep a man’s cloak as security for a loan - he had to give it back to him at nightfall. So the cloak was an extremely important garment and it was the inalienable right of every man to have a cloak.

But Jesus said if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak too. Don’t stand on your rights. Don’t defend your right to have your cloak. Because when you insist on your rights, it just shows that Self is still ruling your life.

Example #3:

“If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles.”

Judea was an occupied country. The Romans had conquered the Jews and they were the army of occupation.

Under the law of occupation, a Roman soldier had the right to commandeer the services of any Jewish man to carry his pack for one mile. A soldier could come up to a farmer, or a merchant, or a student—anyone—and rudely interrupt whatever he was doing. By placing the flat of his spear on the man’s shoulder, that soldier could say “You’re mine, mister. Here’s my pack. Forward, march!”

Now can you imagine how a Jew must have just hated it when this happened. Not only was it inconvenient, it was humiliating as well. But there was nothing illegal or wrong about it. It was just terribly inconvenient. It was an imposition.

Jesus said “Look, if this happens to you, don’t just carry the soldier’s pack one mile and not an inch farther. Don’t just do what’s required of you while you’re muttering under your breath about how inconsiderate and unfair this is, and how much you hate the Romans. Go ahead and carry his pack two miles. Then you’ll know who’s really in control of your life.”

Example #4:

“Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.”

This example doesn’t even have anything to do with retaliation or revenge. But it has a lot to do with what’s going on in your heart.

There were a lot of laws in Jewish society about lending and borrowing. God’s intention in the OT was that the Jews should look out for each other and help each other, and especially to help the poor.

Now there was a law that said that every seventh year, all debts were to be cancelled. God gave that law to keep the wealth equally distributed. He didn’t want any Israelites to get into a kind of debt-slavery to their brothers. So every seventh years, all debts were to be cancelled.

Now can you imagine what people would be thinking in the sixth year? Everybody would be saying “If my cousin Izzy want to borrow money from me this year, I’m not going to lend it to him because next year, the debt will be cancelled, and he won’t have to pay me back.”

So as the seventh year approached, people became very tight-fisted with their money. They became very intent on keeping what was theirs.

But Jesus said: “Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.” Don’t be a tightwad. Don’t be a pennypincher. Don’t be hard and cold when it comes to sharing your resources with a brother in need.

Now you may be asking “Wait a minute. Does this mean that I should give something to every street person who approaches me for a hand-out?” No, it doesn’t mean that.

Most street-people are professional beggars. What they don’t need is a hand-out. What they do need is to get a job and work for a living. If you give a street person a hand-out, he’ll just use it to buy alcohol or drugs. So you’re actually helping to destroy him by giving him a hand-out. There are better ways to help him.

Jesus is talking about a situation that is much more personal. He’s talking about someone who is truly in need, and you have the ability to help him. He’s saying that you shouldn’t have a legalistic, pennypinching, tight-fisted attitude toward your possessions.

That just shows that you’re looking out for Number One. And that’s not how Christ-followers live, because a Christian is a person who has died to self.

Romans 6:6 For we know that our old self was crucified with him

There’s a strange old legend that came from Florence, Italy in the Middle Ages.. The legend said that if a man murdered someone and became a fugitive, that man could receive a pardon if he could succeed in going to his victim’s tomb and having a meal there within nine days after the burial.

If the murderer could eat bread and drink wine at his victim’s grave within nine days, he would go free. So that gave rise to the custom of the relatives of the victim guarding the grave. They didn’t want the murderer to get a pardon, so they went and stood watch over the grave.

There’s a spiritual lesson in that legend for us. When we commit our lives to Jesus Christ, the Bible says that God takes our old sinful self and puts it in the grave - it’s dead now, and Jesus puts a new life within us.

But the trouble with us is that we want to go back to the grave where the old Self is buried and stand guard over it. Even though our old self is dead, we still want to defend it. And this whole matter of retaliation, and seeking our just desserts, and hoarding our possessions, are some of the ways that we try to guard the grave.

Jesus says “Don’t guard the grave! If somebody hits you on the cheek, turn the other cheek. Don’t guard the grave!

“If somebody takes your tunic, give him your cloak as well. Don’t guard the grave! If somebody forces you to go one mile, go two. Don’t guard the grave!

“Give to a person who’s truly in need, even though you might not get it back. Don’t guard the grave!”

George Muller was a man who understood this. He was born in Germany in 1805. During his younger years, he lived an immoral life and even ended up in jail. But in 1825, he went to a Moravian mission and received Jesus Christ as his Savior.

In 1829, he moved to England, where he became the pastor of a local church. He was very burdened by the poor children he saw in England, and he wanted to do something for them. So he founded an orphanage to care for these children and teach them about Jesus.

Soon there were two orphanages, then three, then four. Eventually, George Muller was responsible for caring for ten thousand children in his orphanages.

The amazing thing about his ministry was that he never appealed for money. He said “God’s work done God’s way will never lack God’s supply.” Over and over again, Muller saw God supply his needs in miraculous ways.

In 1875, when he was seventy years old, instead of retiring, George Muller and his wife embarked on an evangelistic preaching tour. They went to Europe, America, Asia, and Australia. He preached the Gospel in 42 countries and traveled over 200,000 miles—this was in the day before airplanes. The whole trip took 17 years!

When George Muller died at the age of 93, his ministry had taken in over 8 million dollars to help the orphans. But his net worth was less than $1,000.

George Muller was a man who had caught hold of the essence of Jesus’ teaching here in Matthew 5. He once wrote, “There was a day that I died, utterly died, died to George Muller and his opinions, preferences, tastes, and will; died to the world and its approval or censure; died to the approval or blame of even my fellow brethren and friends. Since that day, I have sought only to show myself approved unto God.”